10 Tips on How To Fake A Teetotaller Image In Front Of Parents




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So what would you do when caught red-handed smoking and drinking in front of your parents? Here are ten ways to come out of the grilling zone!

“You smoked, didn’t you?”

“How many pegs a day?”

“When did you start smoking/drinking?”

“What can I say, you’re a grown up man/woman now”

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Every parent’s nightmare, even if they themselves suck the deadly nicotine stick or down a peg now and then- no self-respecting parent would want their doting children to end up like them- with a ciggie in the mouth and a glass in hand. But hey, most of us on the sly would puff away and make love to Bacchus at the first given instance. So what would you do when caught red-handed? Here are ten ways to come out of the grilling zone!

1. “Sahil left that here mom”

Cliché as it seems, just blame it on your BFF- girls especially would love using this one. What are friends for eh! They take your burdens and blames in equal measure, and someday you would sit with your BFF and reminisce the nonsense with a laugh!

2. “Maa Kasam”

When dad catches you reeking of alcohol and you cannot stand straight at 2 a.m, the holy dialogue “Maa Kasam” works wonders. Not that swears actually work, but it eases the tension around; especially when you are so sloshed that your words seem Italian to daddy dearest- slurring much and swaying all the way to your room. Mommy is happy that you still love her; you swore by her name right? The sentimental touch works wonders- drop by another line “I am too ill mommy” and you’d be treated like a king, while dad is shown the door!

3. “I was experimenting”

If the room smells of nicotine and smoke, and dad or mom questions- blame it on the chemistry project you learnt at college- “I was trying to make smoke rings” - problem solved, and your folks would be glad you are studying, unless of course your folks are from the same stream and would ask for notes or evidence; worse still your professor’s number for clarification!

4. “Baking a cake”

Should you be reeking of alcohol in the middle of the day; blame it on a cake-baking venture you were trying out. We all know very well that alcohol in small quantities is a must for the cake mixing process; so there you go! Ensure you have a cake baked at home though!

5. “My boss smokes a lot and prefers discussing matters in the smoking room.”

Uh-oh! Okay here is what you’d say “Mom I was in a smoky arena and hence I smell of that”, “Dad, my boss smokes a lot and prefers discussing matters there, while I hold my kerchief to my nose” or “Booze, what booze- this is the new deo which helps me get attention from the secretary at work”. Go ahead and make up your own funny yet believable lines.

6. “Be calm and clam the suspicion”

Be normal and calm when questioned, and look into the eyes of the interrogator. Liars wouldn’t look into the eyes of the next; don’t be that LIAR- be bold and answer without a glitch!

7. “A new flavoured delicacy”

Blame it on the new ice-cream parlour or the new chewing gum; your parents wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Booze away and come back home with gum in the mouth- blame it on the new product and how it makes you smell of booze!

8. “Smoke in your bathroom. NOT.”

Smokers have a tendency of flushing their cigarette butts down the toilet bowl- sadly in most cases the crime floats back for all to stare. If you use a common bathroom at home; don’t do that.

9. “The doctor told me so”

Caught having a nip in your pocket, blame it on the weather and the doctor- colds, coughs and fevers can be cured with a shot of brandy or rum, but blame it on the doctor and feign sickness. Dad again would be shown the door and mommy would pamper you more!

10. “Hide them well”

Not your wardrobe and not the cabinets in your bathroom- keep them hidden in places where moms and dads wouldn’t come checking- your vanity case or under the last thick humungous mattress- they won’t take the effort to life them all up!

Not that we are encouraging you to smoke or drink – if you do so, try quitting the habit. But then again, we all have our misgivings – so if you don’t want to be caught, you now know what to do!

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19 Jun 2015
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